Week 2 Story: The Woman and the Bear
A women was walking home after a long with her two
children, Adam and Lane.
The trek was long, treacherous, and
tiresome.
Lane shouted, "Mom can we
please take the shortcut!"
As Natalie was already growing
weary, she agreed.
The shortcut was a slim, narrow passage through the deep
forest.
As they began down the small, narrow passage Adam began to
worry.
He said, “Mom, do you hear that?”
Meanwhile, Lane was excited and began inching ahead of the
others.
At once, Lane stopped, frozen in his tracks and screamed, “BEAR!”
Motherly instinct kicked in and Natalie ran to save her
child.
But Lane quickly realized something was not right.
The bear—stricken with worry—asked for help.
The bear said, “Please follow me, it’s my cub”
Leaving the small, narrow passage way they followed the
bear hesitantly
After walking deep into the forest Natalie was concern that
it was a trap.
“Did the bear just want a nice, hearty meal?”
“Did I make a mistake?”
“What do I do now?”
All these questions were racing through her mind.
Finally, the bear stopped and turned to Natalie and her
children and said, “Please help.”
As Natalie looked to her left she saw a young cub stuck in
a bear trap.
The momma bear had tried and tried and tried but she could
not free her cub from the traps mighty grip.
Natalie began to understand the sense of worry and tragedy on
the momma bear’s face.
She slowly approached the entrapped cub. Making the slowest
most careful movements.
Natalie, whose father was a hunter, was familiar with how
to disassemble the trap.
Once the trap released its grip on the cub, the cub jumped
in excitement.
As fast as it could, the cub ran to its mother.
The bear said, “Thank you” and turned and walked away.
Natalie and her children found their way back to the small,
narrow passage way.
And continued their journey home. Never to forget what had
just happened.
Source: National Park Service - Photo by J. Kalone
Author's Notes: I chose to keep some aspects of the story the same, but instead of focusing on how the animal might hurt (i.e., eat) the main character, I wanted to show how the main character can help the animal. I though this would add an unexpected yet heartening aspect to the story. Additionally, I did not care for the over use of personification in the original story, so I removed much of it and kept what was only necessary.
Bibliography: "The Tiger, The Brahman, and the Jackal" from Indian Fairy Tales by Joseph Jacobs.
Hey Jarad! Your adaptation was pretty good. I wrote about the same story for my post and it took me until getting to your author's notes to figure out which tale you were making a story from. That means you did a really good job at making it your own! I liked that it focuses on the positives that could come from an animal in captivity. Just because it may be considered an animal that is typically a threat to some doesn't mean that it can't have a sweet nature. Well done!
ReplyDeleteGreat job at really turning this story into a work of your own! I really liked it and didn't realize it was from the Tiger, the Brahman and the Jackal story until reading the authors note. I liked your version because you made it really positive and focused on both parties' motherly and caring instincts.
ReplyDeleteHi Jarad! I really enjoyed the flow of your story. Looking back at your author's note, your interpretation of the "The Tiger, The Brahman, and the Jackal" was quite unique. I see how you took the element of trickery away and used the common denominator of motherly care between two very different beings. I noticed a word missing in the first sentence but other than that good work! Oh and I like how you decided to have the text centered.
ReplyDeleteHey Jared, I really liked your use of names with your characters. It may seem weird but I think this made a big difference in really anchoring those characters. I often forget to name my characters when I write and sometimes I get lost in exploring concepts rather than characters. I liked your plot development, it felt very realistic, and I wonder how telling the story through another medium might change its valence. One suggestion I might make is to explain just a little bit more in your author’s note. I hadn’t read the story you mentioned and so I wasn’t quite sure where your story came from. Overall I really like the story though! It was concise but just detailed enough. There is also definitely something to be said about the form of the prose. I like how you centered the text and wrote in small lines, it keeps the plot moving, almost accelerating even. Excellent job!
ReplyDeleteHi Jared,
ReplyDeleteJust like the comment before me, I also found a fondness with the names and thought that it perfectly suited the characters that were present in the story. I feel like you capture The Tiger, The Brahman, and The Jackal really well it was clever and creative, i like how you have a parallel between trickery and the affection of motherly love. I wonder if you made the characters of the Mom and the bear to be interpreted as protagonists because i was kind of confused as to how the story begins with the bear wanting to attack the kids but then at the same time the bear is also a mother bear who is facing a similar scenario or did you intend on reversing the roles without having drastic changes made to their characters? I also wonder how her cub got trapped in a bear trap,,one detail i think you should add to in the story would be a little more insight on the momma bear and her cub and how the cub got enclosed in a trap. Other than that, Excellent Story!
Hi Jared! I was not expecting that ending of the story. It is nice to see that the bear was actually nice instead of hurting them. Your authors not was written so small I almost didn't see it, so I would maybe make that a little larger and then you will be great! Overall it was a good story and very easy to read! Keep it up!
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