Introduction
Hello, my name is Jarad Anderson. I am a senior chemical biosciences and pre-medicine major. I am currently in the process of applying to medical school. A very exciting yet stressful time! I absolutely love it here at the University of Oklahoma and have really immersed myself in University College. I actually work in two different University College departments: The Office of Freshman Programs and the Student Learning Center. My role in Freshman Programs is to serve as a senior advisor for Alpha Lambda Delta National Honor Society. My main job is to provide guidance and serve as a mentor for the current executive council. Additionally, in the Student Learning Center, I serve as a staff supervisor and study night coordinator. I plan large exam study nights for major uniform classes such as introductory chemistry, biology, and psychology. Last year over 2,500 student attended our study nights. Also, although it’s technically not a position within University College, I serve as a t
Jarad, I think you have a very interesting topic for a Storybook here. One suggestion I'll give is one I was given as well: you might want to put a link to your Comment Wall page here on your actual storybook as well. It really does make it easier for people to leave you comments on your Storybook. As I said, not my original idea, just passing along one I was given & liked.
ReplyDeleteIn this sentence: "The body of the babe was white as snow and red as a blooming rose" is it supposed to say his lips were as red as a blooming rose? Would make more sense if it was.
Also maybe break up the 3 separate stories you're going to tell into separate paragraphs since you did describe each one. It would just make it easier to read, I think.
I never heard the story of Noah's drunkenness I guess but I love that you ask the question, "Why did Noah get drunk after the flood?" And I have an answer for that: Why not?! I mean if I just survived 40 days & nights of raining, plus all the weeks that they spent waiting for the water to go back down, I'd need a drink too either for stress relief or in celebration, I'm not sure which! LOL
Hey Jarad,
ReplyDeleteI had a few notes to give you that you may consider, or you may think are unnecessary. I'll go ahead and lay them out though!
The first is that you might want to go through and check for grammatical errors in your story. There were a few instances of misspellings, and a few places where you could have used some additional punctuation to help the story flow along.
The next is similar to what Kathy said above, you might think about separating your story out into distinct paragraphs. I think doing this could also lead to a few less misspells in the future. I personally find that misspelled words stand out more clearly when there is more open space around them, and it feels a little less crowded.
Finally, I wanted to touch on the strong points of your story. I think your use of descriptive language is excellent in your story. I would definitely roll with that going forward, you have a good eye for mental images.
Hey Jarad! I just finished reading your story "The Birth of Noah," and loved it. I thought you did a great job of retelling it, as well as adding your own personal ideas to it. I thought it was a nice touch to add in the descriptive words describing Noah's hair and his eyes. Using those descriptive words really helped and allowed me to create a visual picture in my mind on what the baby looked like. I thought the dialogue between the characters was nicely written. The conversations between the characters was easy to follow and understand what was happening. I think this would be a fun story to play off of. When does Noah have to build the ark and save the world? Does his family help him? It would be interesting to modernize the story a bit. Overall, I thought you did a nice job of retelling this story!
ReplyDeleteHi Jarad!
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your "The Birth of Noah" story. I hadn't read the original story so I read your author's note first. I like how you really changed this story and made it your own. I can tell that it is probably much different than the original story. You did a good job of describing Noah when he was born. This is something that can make or break a story. If you can help paint a picture in the reader's mind of what you are writing about, it really helps engage your reader. Good job on that! I will say I was somewhat confused during parts of the story. I think it may have needed a little more background information or some explaining as to why Noah was the way that he was when he was born. Also, why would it have been bad for others to know that Noah would someday save the world? That's where I think you could elaborate on a little and it would tie your story together well!
Hi Jarad!
ReplyDeleteOverall I like the look of your site. I think your stories layout is great.
After reading The Birth I really liked the direction you took with it. I did not read the original but after reading the authors note I feel like I had a good understanding of it. So, good job on providing enough information in your authors note. As for your version I like that you chose to focus on the relationship and the fact that only the grandfather knew his future. But how did his grandfathers father (his great grandfather?) know that about him?
The Amazed Chemist was an interesting take on the original stories. I like that you focused on the person being a chemist and that the tiny fights were going to help him with his research. I think going into detail on how the owner of the cabin discovered them would be interesting.
Hey Jarad,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed both stories you have upon your blog. You have a writing voice that I enjoy, and the topics of both stories were very interesting. Of the Noah story, I really liked that you chose to focus on the interpersonal relationships of the characters. I think the wow moment for me was when you wrote about the special bond that was created between Methuselah and Noah. I wonder what their interactions were like, or if Noah and Methuselah ever talked about the coming flood. What if, as you continue to edit your stories, you added in more dialogue between Methuselah and Noah to “show not tell” about their relationship? For the Ant story, I wonder if there is a metaphor to be made about a molecular chemist seeing little bitty people and animals killing the flees. What if those little animals and people inspired the chemist to start looking at cells or antibodies?
-Cat
Hello Jarad,
ReplyDeleteSo far I have not seen anyone write about the Biblical stories, so you can imagine how excited I was when I first saw your stories. I think it is interesting that you chose stories that are not as common, but I do not see how you will change them to fit the criteria of the class. Is it your writing style or the minor dialogue? I really did enjoy the information I got from the story of Noah, but I felt like there was much I was missing on. What was it like raising Noah? Did other people find his features odd? How did his hair change as he got older, if it did at all? I think it might be important to add these details to the story so that people feel more invested in the passage other than it seeming like a historical factsheet.
Hey Jarad! I just finished reading your story "The Amazed Chemist," and wow, what a story! I thought this was such a fun and creatively written story! The idea of the knights and horses being so small was a unique feature to add in. As I was reading the story I caught myself creating a visual picture in my head on what the characters and the battle would look like. When I first started reading, I would of never though the story would of turned out the way it did. I liked the idea that this was in a secluded area in the woods, it really added to the mysterious aspect of the story. It's interesting that the owner of the cabin said that this wasn't anything abnormal that was happening. He said it so casual, like it happens all the time. After reading your story, I'm interested to see what the original story is like. I thought you did a nice job of retelling and writing this story!
ReplyDeleteHey Jarad! I just read Birth of Noah and I love how you characterized Noah as looking like such an angelic baby, as it helps us see him as extraordinary. Reading your story makes me want to know more about Noah's upbringing and his relationship with his grandfather! I'm not sure if their relationship is the focal point of this story, but it would be interesting to see why it was Noah's grandfather and not someone else that had such a strong bond with him. It would also be interesting to see how Noah's father shapes him as he grows up to be an adult and how Noah's upbringing is shaped by the fact that he was to one day be responsible for leading "the world out of the greatest punishment of all time". Until your story, I did not think about the fact that Noah would be antagonized for being the one to survive the flood. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Jarad! I just finished reading through your portfolio. Good job! I like how different your stories are; it gives you a chance to try new things. My favorite story was “The Amazed Chemist.” I love the idea of tiny knights and horses! How whimsical!
ReplyDeleteIn the way of suggestions: Did the fleas and gnats fight back at all? Were there any losses on the knights’ side? Also, what if you zoomed in and focused on one or a few particular knights and really described them and their battle? I think the more you can zoom in on this story, the better it will be because the interesting part of the story are the tiny people, not necessarily the chemist. Or what if the chemist got shrunk to their size accidentally? THAT would be an exciting turn of events!
Overall, I would say don’t be afraid to deviate more from your source texts; in both of your stories, it seems like you stick pretty close to the originals. Really reach out there! You’re going to do great!
Keep it up!
Hey Jarad! I just read your story about the Amazed Chemist and the Molecular World and it was super captivating! I was not expecting the owner to say that is was a completely normal phenomenon and I'm left dying to know why the little knights engaged in battle in the cabin every night. I don't know if you would want to change your story, but I think that last paragraph would be a great place for you to include the reason as to why the knights battled and why they were so little. I think that I personally would create a backstory where there was a king that was so annoyed by gnats and fleas attacking him in his sleep that he created a force of nights to be shrunk down by a magic wizard and they have fought insects in the cabin ever since!
ReplyDeleteHi there Jarad! Your project them is so relaxing and peaceful. It really ties together the stories you're wanting to recreate for your portfolio! I was drawn originally to the Amazed Chemist story just because it's similar to my field of interest and major at the University! The first half of the story had pretty abrupt, to the point statements that lead the chemist to do what he did. I wish there was a bigger introduction that helped to get a visual of the chemist, more insight on his background, and even help in understanding his accomplishments before so we can see how bad it got to get to that point. Seclusion is pretty heavy and I'd love to know his inspiration for doing something like that! I really like how you have everything split off too into a more organized fashion. Having the Author's notes high up is great, but maybe give them a different font color so it's easier for the reader to distinguish that separation as well. Nice storytelling!
ReplyDeleteHey Jarad!
ReplyDeleteI think your theme for this storybook is great. The page overall has a nice set up and is pretty easy to navigate. I would like to suggest linking your comment wall to your stories to make it easier for readers to find it. I also think your introduction could use a little more information on the characters in this storybook. The introduction is a great way to let the readers know what they will be reading so the more info on your characters the better. Overall, I think your storybook is really interesting and creative. Goods job.
Hey Jarad. I just read your story The Birth of Noah. I really like how you focused on the relationship between Noah and his grandfather. This shows a very strong bond between the two since his grandfather knows what Noah has to do in his life. I am sure his grandfather was very worried about him and decided to help him out himself just so that Noah could be up to the task. It was also nice that his grandfather decided to hide Noah's true reason for living from everyone because he knew if people found out they would try to take advantage of him and ruin his life. He needed to keep Noah focused so one day he could save the world after the flood. If it wasn't for Noah's grandfather asking his father about who Noah was then maybe he wouldn't have been trained by his grandfather to save the world. I also find it interesting that it is the grandfather that is so involved but not the actual father.
ReplyDeleteHi Jarad! I just read The Humble Man who Killed the King, and I found it really entertaining. I thought you did an impressive job with this story. Your author's note really helped clarify a lot of things for me, because I never read the original story. The ending was so bittersweet. I could see how the humble man would still be torn over this decision to carry out such a heinous act, even if it meant to help the greater good. You did a good job putting a detailed image in the reader's head, too. It was a very clear and well-written story. Overall, I loved the layout of your storybook as well. It is very clean and easy to navigate. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHey Jarad. I just read your story The Amazed Chemist. I had never read the previous stories that your story is based on. You said that for your story you decided to keep most of the story the same however added in more descriptiveness in it which was very evident. I could tell that you added a lot of visualization into your story which made it come alive for me. You described a lot of little things which I would've never noticed unless I read your author's note. I also like how you made the king have the colors of crimson and cream as well. It was ironic to me that the chemist left to find a place where he could study more about molecular aspects because this was the perfect place. I was thinking another story idea could be of the origin of the little knights and why they fight in the first place would make for a good story.
ReplyDelete